Here comes everyone—yes, everyone

Nowadays, it seems that converts can’t stay out of the limelight.

The latest dust-up about Umar Lee’s video announcing that he has left Islam (and returned to Christianity) is unfolding along the usual lines: Some are questioning why, and mocking his stated reasons for leaving. Others are lamenting that Muslims drove him away “with our bad behavior” and urging that the problems he mentions be decisively addressed. Yet others complain that his criticisms are one-sided and that he doesn’t seem to have noticed all the positive changes that are happening in some Muslim communities in North America. Some claim that he can’t have been a real Muslim in the first place, or that he is being “paid” by “the enemies of Islam” to go through the theatrics of leaving Islam, or that he is really just doing it for money, or media attention. And of course, some are smugly pontificating that the problem is that Lee never really understood Islam “properly,” because he was a Salafi and not a neo-traditionalist (as though no neo-traditionalists have ever left Islam…  lol). And yet another claim: his “real problem” is that “he has issues.” That he is “unbalanced.”

In other words, it’s the same tired old lines that are trotted out every time something like this happens.

I didn’t read much of what he wrote, back when he was blogging. And most of what I read, I didn’t agree with. His misogyny and his attacks on people he didn’t agree with were certainly disturbing to me—not because he was too far outside of “the norm” of conservative, Salafi-ish discourse that I was used to, but because he seemed to reflect its most disturbing aspects far too well.

I didn’t know him. I didn’t have any dealings with him. So, I can’t speak to “what really happened.” And my focus here is not to try to diagnose Umar Lee, but to look at these tired claims that are made whenever anyone leaves Islam (or seems to be about to leave Islam, in the view of some Muslims). Especially, the claim that the person “has issues” or is “unbalanced.”

But if people “have issues” or are “unbalanced,” so what??


It’s interesting, isn’t it, that when white North Americans (especially when they are male to boot) convert to Islam, that a noticeable number of immigrant Muslims fall all over themselves in, well, near-ecstasies of self-congratulation? That yay, we are da winning team, because “one of them” has joined “us.” So when “one of them” then leaves Islam (or pushes at the boundaries of “mainstream Islam”) then those same immigrant Muslims feel deeply threatened. Betrayed, even. So, they quickly dismiss such ex-converts as “not having understood Islam properly” or having been “paid” or… that they are “unbalanced.”

Thing is, it doesn’t seem to have occurred to such immigrant Muslims (and for that matter, convert Muslim leaders) that “unbalanced” converts pretty much go with the territory of conversion.

I forget where I read that someone-or-other described Roman Catholicism as “here comes everyone.” I get what they are saying—that “Catholic” means “universal.” But if any religious community deserves the “here comes everyone” label in North America nowadays, I’d say it’s the Muslims. Thing is, the Muslims aren’t really prepared for absolutely everyone. I haven’t heard of a single Muslim leader of note in North America who has publicly grappled with the implications of this, unfortunately. The great responsibility of playing leadership roles in a religion that aims to convert everyone, and the range of people that are likely to be drawn into the community, and what this means. What the ethical and practical implications of this are.

Da’wa is given pretty often in North America in scatter-shot ways: Through public talks, that anyone can attend. Through pamphlets, that anyone can read. And nowadays, on the internet, which is accessible to anyone with an internet connection. And what sorts of people in North America today are most likely to be drawn to a conservative religious discourse that in its most common da’wa expressions promises simple answers to complex problems?

People who are looking for something. Including, people with problems who are looking for solutions, often on a sub-conscious level.

In any population, there are people who grew up feeling that they didn’t fit in for various reasons. Or who became dissatisfied with their lives as they are. There can be any number of reasons why people have such feelings. Sometimes, there’s a neurological component. In any population, a certain proportion of people have issues ranging from abusive childhoods to undiagnosed mental health conditions. I would venture to say that there are certain features of conservative “mainstream” Muslim discourses as well as community dynamics among converts that some converts with certain types of issues find attractive, such as the notion of brotherhood, the focus on rules, the rigid gender roles, the emphasis on “masculinity” identified with male dominance….

The issue really is not what “issues” a given ex-convert may or may not have, or whether or not they are “unbalanced”… but whether their life as a Muslim helped them deal with their issues, or whether it did the opposite. Whether their life as a Muslim further compounded their problems, providing them with all-too-ready religious excuses for engaging in dysfunctional or harmful behavior.

Who was Umar Lee, really? Only he himself knows, but on Amazon, he described himself as a “Sunni Muslim, father, stranger in this dunya, caller to the deen, product of grassroots urban Islam, student of Sheikh Abdul-Rahman al-Basir, Sheikh Ali Al-Timimi and Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki.” Reading this, I see hackneyed Islamified phrases that don’t mean very much. Just words that say: “I’m the real deal. I really really am the real deal. And I’m the real deal because I am talking the talk. Reproducing the stock phrases that men claiming authenticity (especially in certain Salafi circles) use.”

There’s no original thought or sense of deep introspection reflected in these words. Which is the point. Authenticity and authority to speak in those circles don’t come from those things, and in any case, they weren’t encouraged.

I don’t want to take pot-shots at the Salafis here—I found the situation much the same among the neo-traditionalists that I have dealt with. Their pet buzz-words and stock phrases are different, but the lack of introspection is in my experience unfortunately much the same.

One aspect of Umar Lee’s blogging (and comments on others’ blogs) that I found particularly disheartening was the preoccupation with Muslim identity—especially, with determining who is and isn’t “really Muslim.” Some of it was pretty awful stuff, as in this comment he made about certain progressive Muslims:

“The question who is a Muslim is a simple one. Does the person belive la ilaha ilulluah and do they belive in Muhammdur Rasululah? Do they pray as the Prophet prayed? Do the believe the Quran is the Book of Allah? Do they fast, pay zakat, and make hajj? Do the believe in the Day of Judgement and that the Paradise and hell-fire are real? Do they accept what there is ijma on? If so they are a Muslim and if not they are a kafir.

The mossad has admitted they have sent people to hajj; does that make them Muslim?

Islam is about submission and when the person says ” well I am too modern or western so I cannot accept A, B and C” then they are not submitting. They are creating their own religion which is not Islam.

It would be OK for me if these people would say ” I used to be Muslim” or ” my family is Muslim” or what not while admitting they do not believe in Islam or adhere to the teachings and therefore are no longer Muslims then for them to try and exploit their Muslim background and create something absurd like the so-called “progressive Islam”.

[Mike] Knight, and those like him, have easy access to American publishers and media because they are giving the message Western liberals want to hear ” Islam as we know it is bad and Muslims are in need of Westernization”.

An example is a recent conversation I had with someone close to the Taqwacore movement in Cali. He told me that almost all of them are agnostics and none of them pray. Yet they still claim to be Muslim because this is trendy and they get some milage from it. I suggest they change the name of their group to Apostatecore; because if you cease believing in the deen you have left the deen no matter if your father was the Grand Mufti.”

This deen is simple. Don’t confuse me. It’s rigid. There’s only one Islam. Either you follow it or you aren’t a Muslim.”

O…kay, then.

Again, hackneyed phrases, that have been used again and again in innumerable sermons and conference speeches and halaqas (and not only by Salafis). No introspection going on here, no effort to really understand where others are coming from, just judgmental dismissal.

What a fragile thing an identity that is so dependent on dismissing others must be. Because it can’t deal with the complexities of the real world. It labels other ideas perceived as threatening rather than engaging them. And it leaves its adherents with nowhere to go if they begin to doubt any aspect of the system. Because becoming a “progressive” or a “liberal” or a non-practicing Muslim isn’t an option, as it’s constructed as the same as giving in to “the west” and leaving Islam altogether.

In what way does this sort of (all too common) approach to “Muslim identity” help converts who are struggling with their identities (for whatever reason)? Does it give them the tools to live in a complex world… or does it give them a shield to hide behind in order to shore up their own internally shattered selves, or a club to use against others? Does it help them to really think for themselves? Does it foster their creativity?  Does it enable them to strive to be their best selves?

A popular myth of North American “mainstream” conservative Islam (often appropriated by immigrant and white convert Muslims from African American Muslims…) is that Islam brings about miraculous transformations in peoples’ lives. That it helps people “clean themselves up,” freeing them from drugs and alcohol and gambling and so forth. But there’s a less positive side to this in some converts’ lives that is not so often examined. The conversion process (and especially, the community dynamics that some converts become involved in post-conversion) can make already-existing problems worse, and effectively cut the convert off from help outside the community.

It is not ethical that some community leaders try to have it both ways: to promote “da’wa” while not concerning themselves with its negative fall-out.

, , , , ,

  1. #1 by bebe g on May 29, 2013 - 5:46 pm

    I’m surprised no one has commented on this yet. I have been browsing through your page and reading bits and pieces of blogs. I read this whole one. I tend to giggle when I read some of the crazy stuff you experienced in your past not to mock you but more like wow this muslim drama has been the same for the last 30 years (at least in America). So to let you know a little about myself. I’m 33 year old muslimah and I like to use my mind. Its caused me much trouble through out my life but I don’t care. I was born muslim in this country to African American parents. My mother was definitely in a couple of occult groups masking under the name of Islam. She broke away from them and does her on thing, which is where I get it from. My father revert to Christianity and I didn’t know him at all. I always heard information about him from relatives. I grew up seeing a lot of the things you touch base on in your blog happen before my eyes always wondering what the heck is wrong with this picture? I came to the conclusion people are going to do what they want to do no matter how holy and saint defined they claim to be. I’m light skinned so I get the “advantage” of being mistaken as a foreigner all the time. I used to get annoyed with it but now I make a joke out of it and speak really clear English to get my point across. LoL Well that just a little bit about me. Ok so I want to comment about this part in the blog where you said “It’s interesting, isn’t it, that when white North Americans (especially when they are male to boot) convert to Islam, that a noticeable number of immigrant Muslims fall all over themselves in, well, near-ecstasies of self-congratulation? That yay, we are da winning team, because “one of them” has joined “us.” A lot of immigrant muslims have this love-hate thing going on with America in general. Especially white America because that’s all they see on TV back home. They get one commercial on how to whiten your skin, look at my mysterious blue eyes and yellow hair and then the soap opera comes back on depicting the same look like an evil plotter who hates the muslim world and cant forget the black people are most times the slaves. Typical good old fashion stereotyping. We were even taught by our pakistani sheik that all white people where naturally evil and would never convert to Islam because they naturally have dark hearts. But he was quick to marry a white woman 1st chance he had. Good thing I never believed him.. To many people who are donned leaders of the community and are followed by the ignorant non reading locals. Most of these types of problems in the muslim world is a bunch of hullabaloo created by lack of basic knowledge and out right culturalism. Just my opinion.

    • #2 by xcwn on May 30, 2013 - 1:10 am

      bebe g—What would North American Islam be without the drama?? 😦

      Yes, people pretty much do whatever they want, and if they are religious, then they often find a religious pretext for whatever-it-is they want to do—and then cause harm to naive people who believe their claims. I wish that I had seen through all that ages ago…

      As the love-hate relationship of immigrants to white America—yeah, that’s what I’ve seen too much of, unfortunately. And the Pakistani shaikh doesn’t surprise me, somehow… ok, you just inspired the next post.

  2. #3 by JDay on May 30, 2013 - 4:14 pm

    Loved this: “Does this faith help you deal with your issues?” Everybody should be asking themselves this question.

    I know for a fact that I am not doing all that I probably ought to be doing to help converts.

    The first easy is excuse is “They aren’t going to listen to me, anyway. Not for at least seven years. They have to run through their I Must Be A Perfect Muslim/extremist phase.” The problem is compounded when you not only have al-Islam but al-Love Hormones. I agree with bebe g, people will do what they want to do.

    The second excuse is “At what institution?” Most of the North American masjids are run by conservative Islamists. The reasonable/trying to find a healthy balance/’lax’ Muslims do not hang out at the mosque. Unfortunately, all the converts flock to the masjids because, quite frankly, where else are they going to find Muslims? However, what reasonable person wants to be subject uncle/auntie scolding and dogmatic rhetoric? Only the guilt-ridden. I laugh at this friend of mine who drags her teenage kids to every Friday prayer, but then drags them out immediately afterwards. She refuses to socialize, but she does want to make good on her religious obligations. The people trying to find a balance are at the fringes, so hey converts if you want to find alternatives to living a Muslim life without the long beards or tighty-whitey hijabs, then grab the elbow of the first person who leaves the mosque. But I don’t see an easy solution to the institutional situation. Only the Zealots/Righteous have the drive and financial incentive to support the mind-numbing time-sink that is masjid maintenance. I do think Islam is a big tent, but you wouldn’t know that from the most vocal elements of North American Muslim institutions. Until the vast majority of Muslims (those who are not into active proselytizing, zealotry, etc) get their act together and cough up some cash to rent a space, the converts will be left to the wilds of the internet and the luck of their local geography/Islamic Center.

    Perhaps for the moderate Muslims who do ask themselves, “Would a faith-based institution help me with my issues?”, their current answer is “No.”. Need marriage or family counseling- go to someone who has been educated in psychotherapy. Want to be a community activist- join a secular institution because they have the politics all figured out. Want to find spiritual sustenance- read the Qur’an for yourself, there are tons of different translations out there. Want to learn Arabic- purchase Rosetta Stone. Want the kids to learn how to pray, hire a tutor and monitor tutor.Want the kids to learn Islamic history, culture, or practice- hand them a book or put on a DVD. What does a moderate Muslim truly need in a faith based institution? If you are a man, you have an obligation to pray with others- preferably in a locale that has good parking. If you want some sense of community, are you willing to put up with ‘everybody’ , even the stubborn, scolding auntie who tells you that you don’t have true faith unless you make XYZ duas before entering and exiting the lavatory? In this age of tailor made social groups available on social media, the institutions of a brick and mortar variety are on their way out. Do I need to see you in person when I can email/text/blog/Facebook/Tweet on an hourly basis?

    • #4 by xcwn on May 30, 2013 - 8:45 pm

      JDay—Wow, so many great points!

      I suspect that one reason North American converts want to attend mosques is because “mainstream” North American religions (especially Christianities) are very bricks-and-mortar institution-oriented. So, that’s what they are used to associating with membership in a religious community—attending a place of worship.

      For those with kids (convert or not), I tend to agree that you do actually need some sort of community in order to enable them to feel a sense of belonging and identity as Muslims. Maybe some kids would have no trouble learning to pray, or learning Muslim history from reading or DVDs or tutors, but a lot of kids would find that unbearably boring if their friends weren’t there doing it with them. (Though a lot of kids find Muslim weekend schools/afterschool Qur’an classes/Islamic camps boring beyond belief anyway….)

      I agree that the mosques here tend to be run by those who are very conservative or otherwise overly zealous. Which is one reason why I usually stay away from mosques. And, that their atmosphere and programming appeal most to the guilt-ridden. But after all, what is North American Islam without a huge dollop of Muslim guilt?? 🙂

  3. #5 by Amina on June 5, 2013 - 8:47 pm

    About two years ago, after he took place in helping to expose some of the abuses of the tariqas (largely suffered by converts), Umar very loudly took bayah with sh Gilani ( himself and deleted the many posts he’d made – including the conversation threads where victims were able to speak their piece and learn they weren’t alone for the first time. Because it wasnt proper adab for the shaykhs and anyway, even the people from other tariqas didn’t want the abusive ones being exposed and criticized.

    And predictably there are many people saying he left Islam because he took bayah and Sufism is the misguidance etc.

    This guy had personal and religious struggles for years. No one noticed because the environment is such that a person in his (and yours and others) position that he could say nothing. I think it was due to his own insecurities and doubts, but ironically his own resulting actions and words helped maintain that atmosphere of intolerance for questioning and doubt. His damage is done – to himself and his family.

    • #6 by xcwn on June 5, 2013 - 11:24 pm

      Amina—Ah yes, the Gilani interlude. Though I didn’t know the details, or that he had deleted threads in which other tariqa abuse survivors had spoken out. That’s really… disappointing.
      “even the people from other tariqas didn’t want the abusive ones being exposed and criticized” — yeah, I’ve noticed that. Perhaps because once that process gets going, who knows where it will end? They don’t want people comparing notes and defining for themselves what abuse is. They want to be in control of how their members/those associated in any way with them categorize their experiences. And they don’t want people asking why other Sufi shaykhs/high-ups didn’t speak out about the abuse in other tariqas, either.

      “there are many people saying he left Islam because he took bayah and Sufism in the misguidance”– lol. Well, he had already tried Salafism. And their point is? It’s pathetic when different sects try to turn things like this into a point-scoring exercise against their opponents. Navel-gazing FTW.

      And yeah, he did do a lot to keep that “atmosphere of intolerance for questioning and doubt” going. In the end, it left him with nowhere to go but out. Whether he’s happier now or not, he left a fair amount of damage behind. But unfortunately, he’s not too unusual in that. (which is another post)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: